New Year may be a time of joy and togetherness where people celebrate an impending fresh start, but it can also bring its fair share of family tension, especially when having spent long periods with them.

For families with neurodivergent members, tensions that are bound to happen can also present unique challenges. Dr Selina Warlow, an expert in neurodevelopmental conditions, shares essential strategies to help families navigate potential conflicts and misunderstandings.

“Spending extended time with loved ones, who we may not see regularly, can sometimes highlight differences in how we communicate, process emotions, or handle expectations,” says Dr Selina.

“For neurodivergent family members, challenges like sensory sensitivities, social misunderstandings, and disrupted routines can amplify stress, making it harder to navigate tense moments calmly.”

For those who thrive on routine, like many autistic individuals, the unpredictability of schedules can feel overwhelming. Sudden changes can trigger anxiety or meltdowns. The solution is to share plans early and stick to them as much as possible. If changes are unavoidable, communicate them in advance and offer reassurance.

Long meals and indoor activities can feel stifling for most but even more so for people with ADHD. The need to move around or take breaks to regulate energy levels is vital because, without these outlets, those with ADHD might become irritable or disengaged. This solution is building in opportunities for movement, such as a family walk, or allowing for quiet downtime. Let relatives know this is part of the plan to normalise the need for breaks.

Family members who are Neurodivergent may experience heightened sensory or emotional responses, which can sometimes lead to conflicts or misunderstandings. Reacting immediately can escalate tension. This solution is encouraging everyone to pause when emotions run high. Use phrases like, “Let’s take a moment to cool down and come back to this later,” to de-escalate and reset.

Ambiguity in conversations can be confusing, particularly for autistic individuals who may prefer straightforward communication. Misinterpreted social cues can lead to frustration for everyone involved. This solution is to speak clearly and avoid vague language. Instead of saying, “We’ll see what happens,” try, “We plan to eat at 2 PM.” Directness can prevent misunderstandings.

Misinterpretations can often feel personal. For example, a neurodivergent family member’s withdrawal may be seen as rudeness when it’s an attempt to self-regulate. This solution is to acknowledge emotions without judgment. Ask open-ended questions like, “How are you feeling?” and validate their experience.

Constantly trying to resolve every disagreement can exhaust everyone involved. Some conflicts are better left unresolved 'in the moment’. This solution is to reflect on whether a disagreement is worth pursuing. If not, let it go and focus on maintaining a positive atmosphere.

Parents of neurodivergent children may face judgment from relatives who don’t understand their parenting choices, leading to unnecessary stress. For this, stand firm in what works for your family. Politely explain your approach if needed, but don’t feel obligated to defend every decision.

“Family differences don’t have to lead to arguments,” says Dr Selina. “Understanding that neurodivergent loved ones may process things and communicate in ways that are different from our own but equally valid is key to reducing tension. By approaching situations with empathy and adapting our responses, we create an environment where everyone feels valued and understood.”